Chapter 35: Don't bully me
Cheng Yang leaned forward slightly, pulled back a corner of the quilt that Mingrui covered, and placed it on Shi Xiaoai's lap. Then he said slowly: "I'm sorry, I didn't have time to say hello to you in advance when I left.
I could do nothing about it initially, and I only knew what happened once I got to the battlefield. But no matter what, it's all my fault. I failed to fulfill my responsibility as a husband, and I have made you and the children suffer over the years. "
Cheng Yang told Shi Xiaoai about his experiences in the past five years and also informed her why he could not contact his family.
At first, it was confirmed that he had just arrived on the battlefield and had no chance to contact his family. Later, it was because he was selected to join the Pioneer Battalion and stayed on the front line of the battlefield. That is the camp closest to the enemy and the most dangerous place. The people who can be selected there are the army's elite, and they also shoulder the most significant responsibility.
"Actually, I later tried to bring a message to you through my comrades who came to deliver supplies, but the war was intense then. I didn't know where I would go next or how long I could survive."
At this point, Cheng Yang smiled bitterly: "At the same time, I don't even know if the comrades who helped me bring the letter came back alive? Were they able to send the letter?
I tried several times but never got your reply, so I gave up. Sometimes, I can't help but think, what if you received news from me one day and news of my death the next day... wouldn't it be easier to accept it as if I were dead? "
Having said this, Cheng Yang lowered his head and stopped looking at Shi Xiaoai as if he didn't want her to see the flash of vulnerability in his eyes.
After a while, he said in a low voice: "I regret it now. No matter what, I should try to find you soon. If I find you one day earlier, you will be less wronged and not be bullied like this!"
The last few words disappeared between Cheng Yang's teeth, and Xiao Ai could hardly hear them clearly when his voice was low. She could hear deep guilt and self-blame in this man's tone, which added to the complex feelings in her heart.
District Chief Ou explained that Cheng Yang could not contact her family before, and Shi Xiaoai knew about it. She didn't realize that this person had actually tried to write a letter to her family.
If what he said is true, then there is no way to say he has no sense of responsibility for this family.
The most we can say is that our fate is helpless.
Shi Xiaoai sympathized and understood Cheng Yang like this, but she couldn't say the words of forgiveness.
She is not the original owner and has yet to experience those difficult days for the original owner. She needs to be qualified to speak for him.
Furthermore, from a personal perspective, Cheng Yang was just a stranger to Shi Xiaoai.
She could respect his character and understand his hard work but couldn't force herself to live with an unfamiliar man.
She couldn't explain to him that she came here through a book. If she said forgiveness, then based on Cheng Yang's current behavior, they would still be a family.
She is fine; why should she marry a man she doesn't know well and live together?
Xiao Ai found it unacceptable just thinking about it.
She raised her head, looked at Cheng Yang, and said earnestly: "Some of what you said today was told to me by District Chief Ou, and some of them were the first time I heard about them today, but no matter what, you don't have to apologize. It's not your fault."
Hearing what she said, Cheng Yang raised his head, and there was a little more light in his eyes.
He yelled out subconsciously: "Then you forgive me?"
Shi Xiaoai pursed her lips: "It's not about forgiveness. I think our relationship can only be regarded as a miss."
Cheng Yang was slightly confused and frowned: "What do you mean?"
Shi Xiaoai did not avoid his gaze, facing him, and said frankly: "I always believe that time can kill everything, including feelings.
It was less than a year from when we got married to when you left, but the separation lasted more than five years. No matter how much emotion we had in the meantime, it was all consumed.
If you hadn't suddenly appeared today, I wouldn't have even remembered what you looked like. "
Shi Xiaoai said bluntly: "You are almost like a stranger to me now. You can't ask a stranger to be kind and considerate to you, right?"
Cheng Yang's fist tightened, and he looked at Shi Xiaoai, his eyes hidden in the wet hair hanging down, penetrating into the heart.
"You don't want to forgive me." He said softly in a low voice.
There was no question in his words, but it seemed like he had already thought of this result.
"I've already told you, there is no forgiveness or non-forgiveness between us."
Seeing Cheng Yang's extremely disappointed look, Shi Xiaoai felt a little guilty and irritable for no reason.
It feels like rejecting a stray dog that clings to your leg on a snowy night and tries to please you by following you home.
She didn't know why she had such strange thoughts?
Maybe it's because this man's eyes look so abandoned, or perhaps because his hair, wet from the snow, hasn't dried yet, with strands stuck to his forehead, looking like a damp puppy?
Shi Xiaoai shook her head and quickly retracted the thoughts in her mind, but still subconsciously explained: "Don't overthink. I'm just telling you what I really think. Since we want to talk, we have to be honest. There's no point in going around and around."
"I didn't think much about it." Cheng Yang lowered his eyes: "You are right; your ideas are all right."
Shi Xiaoai: "..."
Why do you think the circles under this person's eyes will turn red again?
She closed her mouth silently and swallowed the words she planned to say about divorce.
Cheng Yang raised his head again and stretched his hand towards her with a persistent expression.
Shi Xiaoai knew that he wanted the key and also knew that he had no choice but to give it to him.
However, there is still some resistance.
She struggled internally, looking at the hand and unable to speak.
Cheng Yang suddenly grabbed Shi Xiaoai's hand, curled up by his leg with his backhand, pulled it over, and stuffed it directly into his military uniform.
Shi Xiaoai was shocked and about to change his face instantly.
She didn't know this man's movements could be so fast, leaving her no time to stop him.
She tried to take her hand back, but the man's hand was like an iron clamp holding her tightly.
She wanted to break away, but as soon as she exerted force, she found the touch under her hand strange.
Her hands suddenly froze in place.
The area under the hand that should have been skin is now wrapped in a thick layer of gauze. The entire chest and the waist are wrapped in gauze, and the upper body is dressed like a rice dumpling!
Shi Xiaoai suddenly raised her eyes but met Cheng Yang's deep gaze.
He drooped the corners of his lips, looked at her, and said aggrievedly: "Xiao Ai, don't bully me. You should also feel sorry for me."
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